never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
