Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
