im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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