I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
