why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
