she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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