For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
