Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
