just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
