That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
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On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
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I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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