i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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