I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
