I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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