wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just found puke in my bra..
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Did you pee in the oven last night??
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
