Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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