It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
