I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
You're like the curious george of whores
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
