one might say we're banned from that church
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
