Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
