he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
