i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
