and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
