sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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