I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
