The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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