Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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