You smell like a Billy Joel song
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize