so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
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When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
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If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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