I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
