I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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