I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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