dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize