also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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