Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
