Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
