i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
