All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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