Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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