your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
