weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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