bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
