my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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