I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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