I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
