Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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