Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
