Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Houston, we have a blender
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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