he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
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