He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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