there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
