JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
