he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
