Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
