Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
