There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Can you bring me the toilet please
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
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