hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I still have a little drunk in my system
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
