we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
