And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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