so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
cat food counts as protein by the way
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
