U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
