I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
