I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
