If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
