I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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