I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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