totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
