She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
