thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Dicks are not precious.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
