He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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