My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
