so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
