I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
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We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
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You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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