drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
