the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
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